A group that meets over tea and cake to discuss death and grieving hosted its first in-person event in five years in Beckenham on Sunday.
As part of the Death Cafe social franchise, the Beckenham events will be part of one of the world’s largest community engagement projects around death.
Set up by Jon Underwood in the UK in 2011, the ethos of each gathering is to host a non-agenda led conversation, often between strangers, about death, dying, and grief.
The Sylvan Death Cafe organisers, 53-year-old Victoria Keen, and 56-year-old Lee Mansfield, both from South Norwood, have made space for 18 people at each event.
Lee said: “You get so many different reactions from people. It’s often ‘A death cafe, oh my god. That sounds awful’.”
But for the attendees and volunteer hosts alike the discussions can be a positive and transformative experience.
For Death Cafe attendee Mair Garland, a 35-year-old humanist celebrant – someone who leads ceremonies that mark significant occasions – from Penge, said: “We talk more about living and making the most of life, finding your purpose, making sure that you have lived a life that you are really satisfied with.
“The more I have been finding out about death and talking about it and discovering more, the more comfort it brings me.
“It feels like a luxury […] you sit down as strangers and at the end of two hours you get to know these people really well.
“I felt really uplifted afterwards.”
Victoria has been inspired to continue hosting because of the relief she sees attendees feel in sharing their experiences.
The couple met Death Cafe founder, Jon Underwood, in the late 1990s when they were regulars at the Jamyang Buddhist Center in Kennington.
After Jon’s sudden death on 27 June 2017, his friends and family took it upon themselves to try and expand the social franchise which allows anyone to set up their own Death Cafe as long as they abide by the guidelines.
The project is now run by his sister, Jools Barsky, and mother, Sue Barsky Reid.
Under their guidance there have been over 20,000 registered Death Cafe events in over 93 countries around the world to date.
Underwood’s death spurred the Victoria and Lee into hosting their own Death Cafes.
Back in 2018, the Sylvan Death Cafe was based in a church hall in Upper Norwood.
The Sylvan cafe moved online during the pandemic which had the surprising effect of opening their discussion group from a corner of South London to the rest of the world.
They have stayed online since the pandemic to ease accessibility.
The death curious attend from America and far off parts of the UK as well as those in the local area who can’t make it to the in-person sessions.
From February onwards the couple will alternate sessions between online and in person on the last Sunday of the month.
The next Sylvan Death Cafe is Sunday 27th April 2025, 3pm-5pm, 280 High Street, Beckenham.
Other events linked to Death Cafe in the SE London include the Camberwell Death Cafe on 5th March.
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